M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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