Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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