Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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