She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
