Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
