it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
