Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
