oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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