Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
