it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
