You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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