Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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