I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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