I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
