Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
