I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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