I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
