i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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