Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
