I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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