I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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