Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My bed smells like the plague
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
