never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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