david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
