I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
