No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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