Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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