i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
