Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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