And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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