i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
