The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
