there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
