Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
