I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
