Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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