Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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