And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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