She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize