so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
