Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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