I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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