This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
