the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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