Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
