my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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