ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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