At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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