I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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