ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
