Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
