I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize