Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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