If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
