he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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