I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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