he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
