We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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