Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
