True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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