'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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