If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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