Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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