Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
