none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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